Edward Leaving
by Vickytoria13
Summary: This is what was going through EDWARD's mind before he made the decision to leave!


**Hello people. I wrote this out of boredom. I don't know if Edward re-thinks things this much, but after reaing the first chapter of Midnight Sun, I think he probably does. So, with out further ado, I give you the first chapter of New Moon from Edward's perspective! Use it wisely...**

**Disclaimer:I am Stephenie Meyer. (yeah right, i wish!) ok, so maybe I am not Stephenie Meyer. so, I do not own Edard or Bella or Charlie or anyone else mentioned in this chapter. so just read it, gosh!**

The part in New Moon where Edward leaves written from his perspective. (He is thinking about his decision. Thinking very, very hard.)

I couldn't believe what I was about to do. It was probably going to kill me. But, the best thing was, Bella would be fine. She would eventually forget about me… or not…but I couldn't think of that possibility.

Yes, she would forget, I decided. It may take some time, but she would move on with her life eventually. I had gone over every possible scenario in my head, and unfortunately, this one seemed like the best one for Bella. Definitely my last choice, what I was about to do was unthinkable, but it would be best for Bella to take myself out of her life.

No, I thought, I don't have to do this. I could stay with Bella. Besides, we're already in too deep. This was going to be almost impossible to do. But I knew I must do it. For Bella, and her safety, and her family.

I was so selfish for letting this go on for so long. I really did love Bella, and I knew the pain of losing her forever was going to be unbearable. But nothing would be worse than me causing her to get injured or…die. I scowled out loud at the last word. So I knew that I had no other choice but to do this. I must do what I had known I would have to do since Bella's disastrous birthday party.

Why did this have to be so hard? And why was I doing this? I had met the other half of me, without which, I would never be the same again, I would never be happy again. I would never love again. I just had to keep reminding myself that this was what was best for Bella. I had to forget all my selfish needs.

And the worst part was, I was going to hurt Bella. Hurt her more than I had ever hurt her before. This was going to be very hard. I would have to make her believe I wasn't in love with her anymore.

In order to save her, I must hurt her. I thought of the other option I had been considering, but I could not bring myself to do that. That option involved changing Bella into one of us. And I knew I could not do that. If I was doomed to wander this earth for eternity and never go to heaven, then I'll be damned if I do that to Bella too.

So as soon as I thought of that option, I pushed it out of my head and told myself, no matter how much I wanted it, that that was out of the question. No matter how much Bella wanted it, I could not bring myself to do it. I have to admit to myself, that would be a lot easier than what I was about to do. But if I took Bella's…soul…away, I don't know how I could live with myself. And if I bit her, I don't know if I could stop. I've done it before, and her blood tasted so sweet……but then I had to stop.

I was going to do this. I had made my mind up. This was going to hurt me. This was going to hurt both of us. But it was what was best for Bella. It was best for everyone. Except for me.

I knew that I would never recover from this. I would never forget. It would take all the self control I had just to stay away from her. I didn't even know if I could do it. It would be hard enough just to say goodbye.

Maybe this isn't the best thing, I thought, Bella is such a danger magnet. It seems like she needs me. But no. The reason for all the danger she's in is me. But what if Victoria came back…I shuddered. If something happened and Bella got killed, I would follow her. I would die somehow so that I could be with her. I could not, would not, live in a world that she was not in. And if I couldn't get to heaven and see her again, I don't know what I would do.

Bella would be fine, I decided. Charlie would take good care of her. And if I did hear that Victoria came back for her, I would go and kill Victoria. She would not live to even see Bella again. She would not even get within a 10 mile radius of her. And then I would leave and never bother Bella or Forks again.

I might drop in just to see how Bella was doing, but she would never even see me. If she looked happy, I would leave her alone. But if she was miserable…I might just have to come back and accept the fact that we cannot live without each other.

Now, the only thing left to do was say goodbye. The part I had been dreading the most. This was going to take a lot of effort. All the effort I had. It was going to be next to impossible for me to try and convince Bella I didn't love her anymore. I would have to lie to her, something I had never done before. And it was going to hurt her, hurt me. But I had to do it. For Bella's sake, I had to do it. I had to do it, and I would hate myself for it. I would probably kill myself after I did it. But it would keep Bella safe. Safe from me and all the other monsters our relationship has forced upon her. I was going to do it. I had to. I sighed and said, "Bella, we're leaving."

**Did you like it? Please review! I might continue on with the next part...if you be nice.**


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